Destiny has its own plans.

Since I never wrote any more posts about our struggles after the 4th IVF Stimulation, it is quite evident that it wasn't a success. Sorry for disappointing those of you who were rooting for us :( 

I wouldn't lie that we didn't have high hopes ourselves. When you realize that an era has come to an end and all you are left with is an emptiness within, then that surely isn't the end. Ain't that right?

One thing that we as a couple decided was to "not give up". Technically, we are done and dusted, but we still have options like surrogacy and adoption. Don't we all love being hopeful in one way or the other. That's called "being optimistic, vulnerable and human".

As this is my comeback post on my "Infertility Diaries", I am leaving it as a thought-bubble for you; no smooth touches with my words or formatting. I promise to come back with a post with insights and details, soon enough. Till then, keep hanging in there... with loads of hope!

Decision time: "4th IVF Stimulation" or "Using donor gametes" ?

May to July '16 was more of family joys and less of emotional turmoil. After getting back to Bangalore, I met Dr. Rashmi Yogish on my Day-2 of the next month, and the question remained the same: "Another IVF Stimulation" (4th to be precise) or "Using both donor gametes"?

My DH and I had different views this time, again. He insisted to go for donor gametes, however I wanted to go for the last stimulation. My logic was that if I have to go through all the physical pains of IVF procedure just to try if I could experience motherhood, then why not exhaust my egg reserve than using someone else's. No! I do not have a problem with donor concept but I still have hope; maybe it's not the egg/embryo quality in question but the environment where the embryos are expected to florish. However, ERA test conducted proves that my uterus is Receptive.

Also, it feels a little weird to me. Imagine, I go through the entire IVF process, successful pregnancy, labour and child-birth and then have a baby who neither resembles me nor my DH. WHAT!!! Wouldn't it be super-obvious that either we accidentally got our baby exchanged in the hospital crib or used donor gametes? Come on! If you are so OKAY about the no-resemblance part, then frankly speaking, adopting a child is the best solution! Unfortunately, in today's age also, infertility is treated as a taboo topic and an inauspicious thing. I am not sure how well it is treated outside India but we Indians are driven a lot by "what will people say/think?" and that is more disturbing and frustrating than not being able to conceive. Living in a metropolitan city like Bangalore, I have peer-pressure, I feel horrible for the women in rural areas where women are abused and treated as outcast.

Doctor was in agreement with my logic and wanted to give it a one last try before concluding that its the uterus which needs attention, and not the embryos.

So, we all agreed to go for the last IVF stimulation of my life! Yes, it was a declaration. I have no idea how much one stimulation could  impact one's body, and here I am daring for the 4th one. Frankly, even if this fails, would taking so much risk with my body be a complete waste? Huge amount of money spent on so many IVF cycles can still be earned, but health gone bad once cannot be undone.

Anyhow, we went ahead with the decision of doing OPU in Aug'16.

Good "First Impression" : Nova Bangalore

Apologies for not posting anything for a week, I was undergoing my latest IVF cycle. Details about it will follow.

To start with my set of stories about Nova Bangalore, I would like to first mention the single point of contact (SPOC) for patients at Nova Bangalore, the receptionists. All the receptionists were (still are) welcoming, smiling, eager to help and multi-lingual.

My first interaction with them was face-to-face. For a change, I didn’t want to Google about my next doctor, so that I have no presumptions or expectations and go with an open mind. One fine day, I just planned to visit the clinic and told one of the receptionists’ that I have come from Nova Delhi and would like to meet their specialist. She asked me if I was carrying my file/ case history. Since I was, I gave it to her. She informed me that the concerned doctor was out of town and would be back in 2-3 days. Instead of letting me go back empty-handed, the receptionist made a quick call to someone, and upon the caller’s consent, she suggested that, if I wish, I could consult the other doctor. I took that option. The other doctor wasn’t in the clinic when the receptionist called him, but he made himself available in the clinic at the earliest. Within 10 minutes, I met Dr. Mahesh Koregol (Gynecologist, Nova Specialty Hospitals, 5^th Block, Koramangala, Bangalore).

Dr. Mahesh read through all my & DH's infertility history. He seemed quite knowledgeable and well-informed about Infertility. He assured me that I shouldn’t lose hope as there are other scientific advancements which could be used as an option in our case. He suggested that I come back and meet the specialist on the Day-2 of my next cycle. It was a ray of hope, and I grabbed that opportunity with full enthusiasm.

Next, meeting Dr. Rashmi Yogish.

Mission "Make a baby" begins

My darling husband (DH) and I planned to make a baby so we initiated the process in Dec' 11. We read and did research about the "fertile days" concept and marked it on a calendar and did the needful on the specified days.

The concept of "fertile days" is 3 days before and after your Ovulation Day (OD) as healthy sperms can survive upto 72 hours inside the uterus. Since one can't be totally sure about your OD, the formula becomes 4-OD, 2-OD, OD, OD+2, OD+4. Yes, your DH has to do a lot of work in that one week. Another way to predict your OD is by using an Ovulation Prediction Kit (OPK) easily available in the market. It is similar to a Home Pregnancy Test (HPT), a drop or few of urine is enough. Basically, OPK measures the level of the leutinising hormone (LH) and Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH), LH levels are highest on OD. Third way is to keep a track on your Body Basal Temperature (BBT). Since I could never follow this procedure, I left it. All these methods can't predict your OD in advance, so if you miss the fertile window this month, aim for the next month.

Well, my DH and I tried for a few months using the calendar method but couldn't succeed. So we visited a gynaecologist (Dr. Joshitha Naik, Lady Hospital, Jayanagar, Bangalore) in June’ 12 just to understand if we were heading in the right direction or not. She got my basic tests done (CBC, Lipid Profile as I am hypertensive and on medication, and a pelvis scan). All looked fine so she prescribed a folic acid supplement and baby Aspirin 75mg (for hypertension). She also suggested the use of OPK for better prediction of OD.

Three months went by, and our attempts failed, leaving us a little perplexed. We visited the gynaecologist again in Sep’ 12 and voiced our concern. This time she suggested a Semen Analysis (SA) of my husband. The report wasn’t good, Severe Oligospermia is what she concluded (as the value was 2 million sperm/mL). We were asked to consult an urologist and if not cured, only an artifical way could help us make a baby.

Current day...

After yet another failed IVF cycle (ICSI process), I am on a month long break to let my hormones settle down and get geared up for the next attempt. This statement might create an impression of me in your mind as a very strong woman; I am. But feelings change every second, each day. My state of mind keeps fluctuating whenever I recall all the struggles of our "trying to conceive a new life" as a couple.

In this blog, I wish to unfold the sequence of events and share the experience that my husband and I have been through since Dec' 2011. Trust me, it isn't just a struggle to make a baby of your own, but a lot more to deal with.

I know, there are many blogs/ posts/ discussions on infertility (mostly USA, Canada and UK based couples) which has all the latest updates of their cycles and quick references from their past, but that doesn't help much. Even I have read such posts a hundred times myself, but I am going to make this blog different from the others by revealing maximum details (names of places/ clinics/ doctors, tests, costs, etc) for the benefit of my countrymen and foreigners too (many foreigners visit my country to find solution to their infertility problems). My aim is to help other struggling "trying to conceive" couples understand the nitty-gritty of infertility and find their bundle of joy.

My next post will talk about my journey from the very beginning. I plan to do it fast, keeping in mind that my next cycle is just a month away and I have to capture details of past 50 months.

P.S.:  I am an Indian and all my references will be from India.